Cant jokes
Playing a game called 7-Up.
Student: Why can't I use a pencil to tap their fingers?
Teacher: It's cheating!
Student: No! It's the object of the game.
Bully: "I bet your dick is so small when you look down in the shower you can't even see it."
Guy: "No, I see your sister's head."
Why can't orphans work at S.C Johnson?
Because it is a family company. 😂 😂
Why can’t dinosaurs clap? They’re all dead.
Why can’t skeletons fight? They don’t have the guts.
Why can't orphans go on an away trip? Because they already are on one.
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson? Cause it's a family company.
Why can't gay people play Baseball? They can't throw the ball straight.
Why can't Jordan moan?
Because his parents are in the room next to him. Asleep.
I wonder if Stephen Hawking heard the song "Gangster's Paradise." Oh, shit, he can't!
Husband: "I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."
Wife: "You have the biggest penis out of all your friends."
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...
BA-DUM CHHH!
There was a blind man in WWE, and the commentator said, "Watch out! Watch... Oh, he can’t see." After he was sued for national offense.
Why did God make men?
Because you can't teach a vibrator how to mow the lawn...
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
To start, I'm a big fella in size.
I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.
Why can't a cheetah play hide and seek?
Because he's always spotted.
Why do you make fun of disabled people?
They can't stand up for themselves.