Cant jokes
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet? Because the “p” is silent.
What's yellow all over and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
The most famous line from Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar is “Et tu, Brute?”
Why can’t he just speak plain English?
A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."
The only hood I like is pointy and white.
That's why I can't trust people when I don't see their face at night.
Why can't depressed people leave the maze?
Because their lives are the walls and they are too scared to meet the exit.
A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says, "Sir, are you a gambling man?"
The butcher says, "Why yes, as a matter of fact, I am."
"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."
The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."
The guy says, "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."
"I am. But the steaks are too high."
"My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say, "Knock knock." We’d say, "Who’s there?" Then she’d say, "I can’t remember"... and start to cry."
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
I can’t stand disabled jokes...
Neither can they 😂
How many people can jump higher than a mountain? None. Mountains can't jump.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Are you kidding? Feminists can’t change anything.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a slice of pizza?
A dead baby can't feed a family.
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
What's the difference between a T-Rex and your sister? I can't stick my dick in a dinosaur.
Guy: Why can't Jesus have M&M's?
Priest: Why?
Guy: Because they'll fall through the hole in his hands.
Playing a game called 7-Up.
Student: Why can't I use a pencil to tap their fingers?
Teacher: It's cheating!
Student: No! It's the object of the game.
Bully: "I bet your dick is so small when you look down in the shower you can't even see it."
Guy: "No, I see your sister's head."
Why can't orphans work at S.C Johnson?
Because it is a family company. 😂 😂