Cant jokes
I can’t stand disabled jokes...
Neither can they 😂
How many people can jump higher than a mountain? None. Mountains can't jump.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Are you kidding? Feminists can’t change anything.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a slice of pizza?
A dead baby can't feed a family.
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
What's the difference between a T-Rex and your sister? I can't stick my dick in a dinosaur.
Guy: Why can't Jesus have M&M's?
Priest: Why?
Guy: Because they'll fall through the hole in his hands.
Playing a game called 7-Up.
Student: Why can't I use a pencil to tap their fingers?
Teacher: It's cheating!
Student: No! It's the object of the game.
Bully: "I bet your dick is so small when you look down in the shower you can't even see it."
Guy: "No, I see your sister's head."
Why can't orphans work at S.C Johnson?
Because it is a family company. 😂 😂
Why can’t dinosaurs clap? They’re all dead.
Why can’t skeletons fight? They don’t have the guts.
Why can't orphans go on an away trip? Because they already are on one.
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson? Cause it's a family company.
Why can't gay people play Baseball? They can't throw the ball straight.
Why can't Jordan moan?
Because his parents are in the room next to him. Asleep.
I wonder if Stephen Hawking heard the song "Gangster's Paradise." Oh, shit, he can't!
Husband: "I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."
Wife: "You have the biggest penis out of all your friends."
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...
BA-DUM CHHH!