Cant jokes
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone?
Because he's dead.
I can’t stand jokes about Germans.
They’re the wurst.
Why can't you kill a hooker?
Because they're dead inside anyway.
Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.
Why can't Juice WRLD hit rock bottom?
Because he's too high.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't even.
What’s the worst thing about having a sister with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
What did the North Tower say to the South Tower? I can’t talk right now, I gotta catch a plane.
When slave owners can't get a girlfriend, do they MASTERbate?
What do you call two Chinese lesbians?
Two can't chew.
What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can’t hear an enzyme.
I'm okay with giving babies iPads, as long as the baby has anencephaly.
You can't get brain rot if you don't have a brain!
What’s one thing a man can do that a woman can’t?
Sit down and shut up.
Why is pounding your mom like playing video games?
Because once you start, you just can’t stop until you win!
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?
You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.
My cousin said he wonders why people have sex with animals, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.
Ol’ McDonald had a farm e-I-e-I-oh.
You can’t say “dwarf” anymore; you have to say “little people”.
You can’t say “fat”; you have to say “plus size”.
You can’t say “retard”; you have to say “democrat”.