Canning jokes

What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A prostitute can wash its crack and sell it again.

Why can't I touch little old women, but nursing home nurses can?

Why are orphans lucky?

Because they can get in trouble and nobody can tell their parents.

Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?

Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.

Why aren't blind people in Brazil?

Because they can only read Braille. 🇧🇷 🙄

My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

What's the difference between a bird and a fly?

A. A bird can fly, but a fly cannot bird.

What do a jack-o-lantern and an emo have in common?

They can both carve a new emotion.

Why does an orphan like church so much? So he can call someone "father."

Why does the orphan like nature? He can call someone "mother."

What type of horse can jump higher than a house?

All houses can't jump.

Aren't paraplegics just plegics who can fly?

Elderly man: Can I get a discount, please? I fought in World War 2.

Cashier: Sure!

Elderly man: Danke.

Your forehead is so big that you can see the whole world before you do!

What is the only reason you can hit an orphan and get away with it?

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Why do emos have friends?

So they can hang with each other.

What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?

A white elephant.

Hey, you person who's scrolling, please leave your HONEST opinion on life. Do you think "life sucks" or "eh, it's okay," etc.? It can be short; if you don't want to, then that's okay.

It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.

Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.