Canning jokes

How many orphans can you fit in a bag of chips?

One, if the bag is family size.

What can you tell [as] a difference between [a] man and a woman [in a] relationship?

Both of them are just full of shit.

How many people can you fit in a car?

6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.

Why can orphans never go to the shops?

'Cause the Talibans will plane dive into them.

If a bird flies, and a duck can also run and fly, while a cat walks, why do we drink water?

What's the difference between a Ranga and a Brick?

A Brick can get laid.

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?

Dark humor: 10 babies in one trash can.

Morbid humor: 1 baby in 10 trash cans.

In case there's a school shooting, the teachers can help out and shoot the kids.

Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?

Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.

I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"

What can jump higher than a basketball player?

An emo kid, they never touch the ground.

You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!

Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.

You can't drink alcohol or dance.

Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.

What does Cangaball do after eating its vegetables?

Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.

If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.

If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

I had sex with a disabled girl. You can say I handiclapped those cheeks.

What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?

You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can never get a home run.

My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.

Yo mama so ugly,

they won’t give her a vaccine so she can keep wearing her mask.