Canning jokes
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.
Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.
One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."
I'm so confused. Who is Gwen? The only Gwen I can think of is the one from Spiderman. 😂
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Memes
It works, my brother has never slept better
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Can you walk the dog for me?
Let's get this right. What's the difference between an egg and a wank?
You can beat an egg, but you can't beat...
Why is an orphan's favorite game Monopoly?
Because they can actually buy a house.
How can you tell a bow n' arrows scared?
He starts to quiver! ;)
Yes, you are the one who can get it, and what time do I have?
There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.
Been learning Chinese...
69 is too-can-chew.
Why do emo kids cost so much?
Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.
Yo mama so fat I can see where you got in from now.
lmao why do people think they can fly?
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.
A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."
What's the rarest gun you can find in Africa? A water gun.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
What kind of fruit can fix your sink?
A plum-ber.