Canning jokes

Terrorist: We can go over it, we can’t go under it, let’s go through it.

What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A prostitute can wash its crack and sell it again.

My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?

Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.

My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.

I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.

I like Christmas.

It’s the holiday where an old man breaks into people’s homes so he can give them toys! :) yaaaaay 😁

I have a fish that can breakdance, but only for 20 seconds and only once.

Hey guys, can we stop making these jokes? If my mom sees this, I will never see the sun again.

Oh . . .

:(

Continue.

Wanna know who can jump the highest? Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.

Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.

Hey, can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives you two nights in a row.

A pecan is motivated because pe-can do anything.

What's the difference between a bird and a fly?

A. A bird can fly, but a fly cannot bird.

Why can orphans get away from the FBI?

Because they don't have a house.

How can you tell a Pokémon likes baseball?

Every night he turns into a Golbat.

Your mama's so ugly that when she looks in the mirror, you can see Micah.

What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?

A white elephant.

Hey, you person who's scrolling, please leave your HONEST opinion on life. Do you think "life sucks" or "eh, it's okay," etc.? It can be short; if you don't want to, then that's okay.

It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.