How many guns can an octopus hold?
9
Canning Jokes
What time is it when you get home? Can you walk me home, and then get home? Then I can walk you home, and walk home.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a Mexican?
I don't know, but man can it pick lettuce.
I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
What's the most expensive haircut you can get? Chemotherapy.
Why do Mexicans wear pointed boots?
So they can climb a fence easier.
Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?
Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!
Jake: Can I go outside?
Mom: Did you clean your room?
Jake: No.
Mom: Then f*ck no.
Jake: Alright, bet.
(Brother named No)
All you pro-life Christian motherfuckers can go die, lol.
Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.
What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
What about the glue?
I knew you'd get stuck there.
Your momma so fat she can feed [the] entire continent of Africa with her fat!
Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
What do you call a person with no arms and legs?
You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.
What kind of tree can you High-Five?
A palm tree.
Why do candles like birthdays?
Because they can get lit!
Why are orphans so bad at baseball? Because they can never find home.
Todoroki POV: All he can think about is Deku.
Why do orphans like to have sex?
So they can finally have someone to call "daddy."
