Canning jokes

Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.

"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"

Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.

What do you call a person with no arms and legs?

You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.

What kind of tree can you High-Five?

A palm tree.

Why do candles like birthdays?

Because they can get lit!

Why are orphans so bad at baseball? Because they can never find home.

Todoroki POV: All he can think about is Deku.

Why do orphans like to have sex?

So they can finally have someone to call "daddy."

Are you the sun? I can see you from a mile away.

What type of cake can orphans not eat? Homemade.

Why can you say "Kobe" even though you missed?

Because he didn't land either.

I want to die at a party. This is because nobody can be sad over me.

What does a pirate say to the president?? Spread your legs so I can get my treasure back.

Yo mom is so fat even Dora can explore you!

You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????

When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.

Why does the emo's mom like taking her son to the store?

Because the cashier can scan his wrist for discounts!

Your face is so big that not even you can see it.

You are so blind, even a spider can see better than you.

What did the leper say to the hooker? "You can keep the tip."