Canning jokes
Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.
Even though you are a meateater, you can still totally be a vegetarian.
"The only way I'd want to be reincarnated is if I can be reincarnated as a man," said the young woman.
"Why?" said her friend.
"Oh, I don't know, just men are so cool,"
"Is that the only reason?" said her friend.
"Maybe........" said the young woman. "Maybe."
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knock, knock." "Knock, knock who?" "Can you let me in now?"
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"
Memes
Why do Mexicans wear pointed boots?
So they can climb a fence easier.
What's the most expensive haircut you can get? Chemotherapy.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
They can never do a home run.
Bastards can never pray, because they don't have a Holy Father.
Why is the Leaning Tower of Pisa leaning?
Because unlike the Twin Towers, it can dodge!
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They can go 1, 2, 3 but they can’t go home. 🤣
What is the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You can hang the picture with just one nail.
A fat homeless person begged me for food, so I said, "I can see your dinner. You had plenty!"
What do you call a booty that can sing?
A crack-up!
SLADE is proof that mental aging can go in REVERSE.
I'm surprised BLESSEDBRIAN can fit through the door, considering how INFLATED his ego is.
You can find perfectly cooked Kobe in a Japanese restaurant, but you can only find burnt Kobe in Calabasas.
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
Jake: Can I go outside?
Mom: Did you clean your room?
Jake: No.
Mom: Then f*ck no.
Jake: Alright, bet.
(Brother named No)