Canning jokes
"Banjo players spend half their lives tuning... and the other half out of tune."
I'm a banjo picker, and I can confirm this is 99% true.
What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
What’s the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady?
Answer: You can unscrew a lightbulb, but you can’t unscrew a lady.
Which restaurants can an orphan not go to?
A family restaurant.
What’s the difference a hooker an a drug dealer...?? A hooker can wash her crack an resell it.
Memes
Where do you think all the orphans went?
In the World Trade Center, I trapped them in so they can finally get to their parents.
What time is it when you get home, can walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home?
🏡 night time and I can drive to the car tomorrow night.
How many times can 46 go into 8? Just hop in the van and find out.
Question: Do you know who Candis is?
Answer: Can dis dick fit in your mouth?
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery, except abortion jokes, because then there is no delivery.
When it's cold outside, men can cut ice in three places.
What is so good about a dog that cannot see? Nothing is good.
What time is it when you get home and you can walk walk?
Your earlobes are so big, you can fit your mom inside of them 5000 times and still have room for more!
Why do orphans like pedos? Because it's someone that loves them and they can call "daddy."
Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”
Mom: “That would be fine, but he hasn’t come out of his room since Friday.”
Boys: “Have you checked the closet?”
Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:
"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"
What is a nudist's least favorite holiday?
Memorial Day.
Why?
Because wearing a poppy can be very painful.
How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.
What do you call a booty that can do magic?
A butt trick!