Cancer

Cancer Jokes

Rape

What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?

You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.

Stage

Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.

But the cancer patients aren't.

Dad

What's the difference between me and my mate...

I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.

Boob

Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.

Difference

What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?

They usually don’t live to tell the tale.

Doctor

Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?

Patient: Cancer, why?

Doctor: What are the chances?

Patient: Of what?

Story

Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?

Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.

A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”

He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.

EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.

WebMD: Cancer.

Hospital

In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.

Girlfriend

When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant.

Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank*

She has cancer.

Bullying

One day at school, I made fun of a girl who lost her hair from cancer, and my parents made me shave my head.

The next day at school, I made fun of an orphan.

Daughter

I saw a dad shave his daughter's head because she made fun of a woman with cancer.

Good thing she didn’t make fun of a pregnant woman 🤭

Soldier

What do children with cancer and Russian soldiers have in common? Their life doesn't last long.

Titty

I would go suck some titties, but I’d rather die from being shot than cancer.

Patient

Imagine this scenario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "You have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc." and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.