Cancer jokes
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.
Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly."
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
He is helping world hunger by feeding cancer.
What's the similarities between dark humor and cancer?
It's funnier when kids get it.
So the other day, I was looking up zodiac sign stuff, you know, I'm a real big fan of that, and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have their own hairstyles... except Cancer.
What do you call a kid with cancer? Limited.
What's green and has a thousand nipples?
A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
What is the difference between a guy with cancer and the Twin Towers?
Nothing, they both fell.
Friend: Ur sister after you were born. 😭
Me: Ur brother after chemotherapy. 😵
Doctor: You have cancer.
Patient: Will I survive?
Doctor: Probably not.
Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
I have nut cancer...
Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?
Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.
What is the difference between underaged privileged children with bone cancer and you?
I like you!
Why are cancer kids so fly?
Because they got the drip.
Technoblade can defeat every Minecraft player, but he still can’t defeat cancer!
Technoblade can defeat every Minecraft player, but he still can't defeat cancer!
Vape company: Hey, want some lung cancer and a nicotine addiction?
Teens: NO WAY!
Vape company: But it’s mango flavored!
Teens: O OK. 😤