Cancer

Cancer Jokes

Orphan

What did the doctor say to the orphan?

"I can't help you with cancer, I'm a family doctor!"

Caillou

Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?

Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.

Friend

My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.

Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”

Joe Biden

Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?

Because he can’t sniff their hair.

Baby

Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

Man

Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?

Doctor: Ten.

Man: Weeks? Months? Days?

Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...

Zodiac

Q) What is the ONLY zodiac sign ever to be surgically removed?

A) Cancer.

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Kid

What does a kid with cancer and a house fly have in common?

A life expectancy of 15-25 days.

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  • Wife

    So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...

    Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

    Brick

    I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.

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  • Dad

    My dad and cancer go into a fight. I never saw my dad after that.

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  • Emo

    - The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.

    - How did the gay person die? Homicide.

    - Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.

    - When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.

    - I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.

    - I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.

    - How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.

    Self Harm

    My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.