Cancer jokes
What’s the best part of stage four cancer?
A: There’s no stage five.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and cancer?
A prostitute can beat my dick any day, but a prostitute can’t beat cancer.
I saw a dad shave his daughter's head because she made fun of a woman with cancer.
Good thing she didn’t make fun of a pregnant woman 🤭
What’s the worst thing about having a sister with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.
Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly."
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."
Why did Mimi cross the road?
She had cancer.
Ur mom.
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
A man sees a woman. He falls in love with her. Little did he know she had AIDS.
Son: Mom, I did the test and I have cancer!
Mom: YOU HAVE CANCER?!
Son: Mom, as my zodiac symbol...
Mom:....
A joke, huh?
My sense of humor.
A kid with hallucinations and cancer is on a Jeopardy game show.
"What's behind curtain #1... YOU HAVE WON..... CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My grandma always told my dad if a bird ever got in your house/truck, someone would die later that exact day.
She found out she had cancer. 11 months later, my grandpa died of a stroke. I hope to see them in heaven. I’d like to meet them. Pls comment good things. I really, really love them, even though I didn’t get to meet them. 😭😭😭
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
Why do toy bears have small eyes? Because they were made in China.
So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."
So I walked into this bar and thought, "Wow, this is a dull joke."
I don't like jokes.
What's green and has a thousand nipples?
A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.
A few years ago I had a brush with cancer…
All of the bristles fell out!