Cancer Jokes

What’s the difference between cancer and my abusive stepdad?

My stepdad did beat cancer.

How would you best describe prostate cancer?

Well, it is somewhere between a dick and an asshole!

Imagine this scenario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "You have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc." and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.

I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"

What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer... no stage 5.

The image shows a four-panel collage with the text “zodiac signs with the best hairstyles”. Each panel depicts a person with a different hairstyle, labeled with a zodiac sign: Leo, Scorpio, Cancer, and Aries. The “Cancer” panel is a picture of a bald child, playing with the stereotype.

Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.

Rape jokes like cancer jokes or AIDS jokes are just humorous wordplay. If you don't agree, send me your details, and we'll see if you prefer actual rape to a harmless rape joke... YOU SAD SACKS OF HUMORLESS SHIT MUNCHERS!

What's the best way to remove gum from hair?

Cancer.

Ask an orphan this: "What's the difference between cancer and your dad? Cancer comes back!"

My grandma just died from cancer.

My last words to her were “I like your cut, G.”

If you feel a lump in your rice, you fucked up.

If you feel a lump in your skin, you have cancer.

Doctor: You have cancer.

Patient: Will I survive?

Doctor: Probably not.

Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.

What do you call an overly clingy child?

A tumor.

What do children with cancer and Russian soldiers have in common? Their life doesn't last long.

Health commercials be like:

Serious side effects can cause:

Nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, chills, fever, cancer, diabetes, AIDS, chlamydia, lupus, Ebola, polio, leprosy, pulmonary edema, heart attack, heart failure, yellow fever, but worst of all, DEATH!