Can jokes

Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They can't find home. 😀😀

Your mom is heavier than Mariah can even carry.

Your forehead is so big, you can fit Santa’s sack on it.

Your forehead is so big you can smoke a cigar in the rain.

I'm lookin' for some good jokes for the best song award. Can y'all help a fellow out?

Yo, sis, come here.

Sis: What?

Me: Oh, sorry, you doing school?

Sis: Yup.

Me: Can I go?

Sis: No way, you're going to hug me.

Me: I love you.

What is a good time for dinner, and what do I do? You can do dinner. Was that it?

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

What's the difference between Batman and a Black man???

Batman can go out at night without Robin.

Na, don't be mean to fat people. Oh wait, never mind, they can handle the weight.

Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."

Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"

What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?

A unicycle can only take one person at a time.

"Honey, let's not go so deep into the woods, please. I'm starting to get scared."

"It's easy for you to talk. I can go back alone right now!"

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)

What store can an orphan never find?

Home Depot.

Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"

What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?

They have both had a few strokes.

Employer: Can you perform under pressure?

Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."

Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.

His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”

Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”