Yo, sis, come here.
Sis: What?
Me: Oh, sorry, you doing school?
Sis: Yup.
Me: Can I go?
Sis: No way, you're going to hug me.
Me: I love you.
Can Jokes
What is a good time for dinner, and what do I do? You can do dinner. Was that it?
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.
How is slavery different from Pokémon?
The types you can have.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
What's the difference between Batman and a Black man???
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
Na, don't be mean to fat people. Oh wait, never mind, they can handle the weight.
An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."
Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?
A unicycle can only take one person at a time.
"Honey, let's not go so deep into the woods, please. I'm starting to get scared."
"It's easy for you to talk. I can go back alone right now!"
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
What store can an orphan never find?
Home Depot.
Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"
What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?
They have both had a few strokes.
Employer: Can you perform under pressure?
Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."
What is fully grown but can fit through small objects? Michael Jackson.
Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"
The terrorists both say, "A beer."
The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"
One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"
An American and a Russian are talking. The American says, "We in America have the best democracy. We can stand in front of the White House and shout with impunity: \"The American President is a moron!\""
"We can do that too," says the Russian, walking with the American to the Kremlin and shouting: "The American President is a moron!"
A blonde walks into the doctor's office. She tells the doctor, "My boyfriend has dandruff."
The doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the doctor's phone rings. He answers, it's the blonde. The doctor asks how he can help her. "Well doctor, I understand head, but how do you 'hove' shoulders?"
