Can jokes

lmao why do people think they can fly?

Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"

If her age is on the clock, she can sit on my cock.

9 year olds can consent. That’s like 18 divided by 2.

Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."

Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"

What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?

A unicycle can only take one person at a time.

Na, don't be mean to fat people. Oh wait, never mind, they can handle the weight.

What are two plus sides to being an orphan?

1. All your snacks are family sized.

2. No one can make jokes about your mama.

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

How does a disabled man go to church? He can't, there's no ramp.

Did you know an orphan is deeply religious because they can finally call someone "father."

I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.

What is fully grown but can fit through small objects? Michael Jackson.

I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.

Why do horny, deaf girls wear tight pants?

So you can read her lips.

What is a thing orphans have that we can never have?

Imaginary parents.

What do orphans and police not have in common?

The police can actually go home.

Looking out for becoming a pilot, can y'all suggest some good mosques?

Don't want to learn the landing part, though, Allah said it's unnecessary.

Hey dude, can you spell IHOP?

Sure, man. I. H. O. P.

Wait, you ate my pee!!!

Your mom is heavier than Mariah can even carry.