Can jokes

Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"

I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.

Looking out for becoming a pilot, can y'all suggest some good mosques?

Don't want to learn the landing part, though, Allah said it's unnecessary.

I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.

Why do horny, deaf girls wear tight pants?

So you can read her lips.

What is a thing orphans have that we can never have?

Imaginary parents.

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Thank you, -Connor

My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.

I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.

Hey dude, can you spell IHOP?

Sure, man. I. H. O. P.

Wait, you ate my pee!!!

The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him, "Don't skip leg day."

Yo forehead so big, an airplane can use that as a runway!

How does a disabled man go to church? He can't, there's no ramp.

Autoerotic asphyxiation because hanging in there can be hard.

What's the same about a newborn and a football?

You can kick them both very easily.

I will never forget my grandfather's last words:

"Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"

Why is Homelander an orphan's favorite superhero?

Because they can actually land a home.

Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They can't find home. 😀😀

Your mom is heavier than Mariah can even carry.