Can jokes

Hi, how are you? Busy doing today? Did I have to text more today after dinner? I did text, and you have been to the vet and walk walk home from home and walk walk home 🏠. Night is so nice 👍. I did not walk away, but you don’t want me to text me to let you know when I get home, can you walk?

What's the difference between a Russian potato and a U.S. potato?

The U.S. potato can still compete in the Special Olympics.

Question: What is the BIG ADVANTAGE to going out on a date with a "Homeless Chic"?

Answer: After the date, you can "Drop Her Off" ANYWHERE!

What's about 12 inches long, has a purple head, and can make women scream all night?

Cot death.

I don't got a pencil or pen in this bookbag. Added like ten to the clip 'cause it look bad. Don't give a fuck if you pissed, nigga, get mad. Or you can bitch and get killed with your bitch ass. Lil' bro got blood on his shirt with his Crip ass. Go write a diss and get murked, don't do shit ass. Bitch, I'm a star, I might burst with my stiff ass. Hop out the car like, "Who want it? Who with that?" I don't know nothin', I was gone when they did that. Bandana wrapped where my chrome and my wig at. If he want beef, hit his home with a Big Mac. Niggas be breakin' the code like a Kit-Kat. Runnin' your mouth like a ho get you bitch-slapped.

Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his gaze is blank. The other hunter grabs his phone and calls emergency services: "My friend is dead! What do I do?"

The emergency dispatcher replies: "Calm down. I can help you. First, make sure he's really dead."

Silence on the other end, then a gunshot. Back on the phone, the hunter asks: "Okay, now what?"

Why is the penis so light?

Because even thots can lift them.

Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."

With the sentence "Die in hell," you can buy shoes in Germany.

Why do orphans commit crimes?

So they can be wanted for once.

I'm lookin' for some good jokes for the best song award. Can y'all help a fellow out?

What are two plus sides to being an orphan?

1. All your snacks are family sized.

2. No one can make jokes about your mama.

I do not have enough information to complete this request. Can you please provide the joke?

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Yes, because a house doesn’t jump.

Iran? More like tin can, cause we’re going to kick their teeth in, am I right?

Why do Mexicans wear pointed boots?

So they can climb a fence easier.

What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?

I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!

What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?

"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."

What's the difference between humans and trash cans? One's actually useful.