Can jokes

What sea creature can add up? A octoplus.

What can change color and get beat up?

You.

Women are like dogs...

"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"

"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"

"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."

SHOES

A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.

This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"

"Of course," she says.

The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"

The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"

What do you call a dog that can do magic?

A Labracadabrador.

How can all rape be prevented? Just teach your daughters to never say no to a man. There - fixed!

How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?

Change your name to "Rape."

Three nuns die in a car crash, but they all make it to heaven. They're standing at the pearly gates, and Saint Peter says to them, "Don't worry, you're going to get in, but first I need you to answer these questions."

He asks the first nun, "What was the name of the first woman?" The nun says, "Eve." Saint Peter says, "Go on in."

Then he asks the second nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?" The second one says, "The Garden of Eden." Saint Peter says, "You can go through."

Finally, he gets to the third nun and says, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun stands there a little confused and says, "Boy, that's a hard one." Saint Peter, shocked, goes, "That's correct! Go on in."

I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me.

"Let go of my nose!"

An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.

After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."

Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.

The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."

What's the difference between Batman and a Black man???

Batman can go out at night without Robin.

Doctor: "I am so sorry, I cannot see you today."

Orphan: "Oh, okay. What about tomorrow?"

Doctor: "No, I can't see you ever."

Orphan: "Why?"

Doctor: "Because I am a family doctor."

Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?

Because you cannot break the ice.

Why is a ghost so predictable?

Because you can see right through it.

Why can Elsa hold a balloon? She will "Let It Go"!

Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

So you can tell them apart from the feminists.

What store can an orphan never find?

Home Depot.

Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.

His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”

Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”

I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.

"Honey, let's not go so deep into the woods, please. I'm starting to get scared."

"It's easy for you to talk. I can go back alone right now!"