Can jokes

Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"

I've been doing sex moves on myself so I can be ready when I have sex, and by far the funniest thing to do is finger my butt. I go 2 handed sometimes.

You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

What do you call a white man that can dance?

A faggot.

I can find the end of time before I find your hairline.

Why tie when you can knot?

Person 1: Yassin has sex with a piece of sex.

Person 2: Nice, can I have some of your balls?

One dark stormy night when I was 8 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee. Half asleep, I walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door, I felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically, and the ghostly sound stopped. Terrified, I did what I had to and went back to bed.

The next 3 nights, the same thing happened, and finally, I decided I had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up, I went into my parents' room and woke my mom up and said, "You have to come with me and see this, it's really important." Half asleep, she murmured, "Oh, what is it? Can't it wait until the morning?" I pleaded, "No, you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost. When I go in the middle of the night, I can hear a ghost sound. Then when I open the door, I feel the cold as it swoops through me, and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "Oh, so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."

Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you just finish me off already?

Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!

People can say whatever they want about pedophiles. At least they are pursuing their dreams.

In a white van.

How can you save a depressed person from a tree?

You cut the rope.

What's the same about a newborn and a football?

You can kick them both very easily.

3 boys were having a debate about who had the healthiest grandma.

Boy 1: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 67 years old and can still do a backflip!"

Boy 2: "No, I have the healthiest grandma. She is 76 years old and can still finish a marathon!"

Boy 3: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 85 and she is in the hospital..."

Boy 1 and 2, looking confused.

Boy 1: "If she's so healthy, why is she in the hospital?"

Boy 3: "Because she's giving birth right now!"

Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.

What can you build with people? A boat!

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.

This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"

"Of course," she says.

The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"

The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"

Doc: Can I help you?

Girl: Doctor, I have pain in my heart.

Doc: When did it begin?

Girl: Right now (seeing him like a doll).

Doc: Hh...do you like me? I know I am handsome...

Girl: No, don’t get me wrong. You just look like someone I know.

Doc: Who is that? Is your boyfriend?

Girl: No, it’s my pet (rabbit), his name is Rokie.

Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.

Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?

Me: Aren't you my son?

Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.