Can jokes

Why is there bullying? They can handle it by themselves.

A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.

Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?

There are 4 people on an airplane, and the pilot has a heart attack and dies. The plane is going down, and there are also only 3 parachutes. So the guy who knows how to cure cancer says, "I’m jumping. I can save many lives." Then the 46th president, Joe Biden, says, "I’m taking the 2nd one." So there is only one left. Donald Trump says to the 7-year-old girl, "I have lived a long life. You can take the next one." So the little girl says, "That’s ok; the 46th president took my backpack." Lol.

Every bad joke can become a good joke with a good delivery, but abortion jokes, they have no delivery.

What's the difference between a bird and a fly?

A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird!

Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.

If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.

If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents!

Hahaha come on people, they don't have parents, we can do what we like with them...

Rape...hurt...and sell them!

All I can see when I pass Saturn is Uranus because it's so big.

A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.

So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.

"Shout out to entity...welcome to hell!"

"Every time I see your icon I vomit lol."

"Get a life... hey I'm violet olivegarden how can I help you if you need me to disc someone ill help..."

Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?

Teacher: If you sing the ABCs.

Boy: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNORSTUVWXYZ!

Teacher: Where’s the P?

Boy: In my pants! Lol. That’s all mates! Have a good day! (Or night)

Why do ducks have feathers? So they can cover their butt quacks.

Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"

Why do you have to wipe yourself with toilet paper? Because bugs can crawl, eat your poop, and drink your pee!

Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.

So my sis thinks she's so smart. She said, "You can finish this move ten minutes later. Go to sleep."

White people can't say the N-word, but at least they can say, "Thanks for the warning, officer," and "Hi, Dad."

What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?

"Thanks for coming."