Can jokes

Your forehead is so big, you can fit Santa’s sack on it.

I will never forget my grandfather's last words:

"Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"

Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?

Q: Why can't orphans ever win at Yahtzee?

A: Because they can never seem to get a full house.

What are two plus sides to being an orphan?

1. All your snacks are family sized.

2. No one can make jokes about your mama.

If her age is on the clock, she can sit on my cock.

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.

Hey dude, can you spell IHOP?

Sure, man. I. H. O. P.

Wait, you ate my pee!!!

What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?

The depressed person can scan themself.

Your forehead is so big you can smoke a cigar in the rain.

I'm lookin' for some good jokes for the best song award. Can y'all help a fellow out?

Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They can't find home. 😀😀

Yo, sis, come here.

Sis: What?

Me: Oh, sorry, you doing school?

Sis: Yup.

Me: Can I go?

Sis: No way, you're going to hug me.

Me: I love you.

Employer: Can you perform under pressure?

Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."

What is a good time for dinner, and what do I do? You can do dinner. Was that it?

What’s something you can say during a pregnancy test and during a sporting event?

"We’ve got a runner!"

Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"

The terrorists both say, "A beer."

The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"

One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"

An American and a Russian are talking. The American says, "We in America have the best democracy. We can stand in front of the White House and shout with impunity: \"The American President is a moron!\""

"We can do that too," says the Russian, walking with the American to the Kremlin and shouting: "The American President is a moron!"