Can jokes

Son: Mom, can I borrow $50?

Mom: What? NO WAY! Do you think money grows on trees?

Son: Mom, what is money made of?

Mom: Paper.

Son: Where does paper come from?

Mom: . . .

Stephen Hawking can pass any test, but there's one test he can't pass. It is the PACER test.

Can emos eat a happy meal, or is it a depressed meal?

A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."

(Pick-up line) If your tits are the Twin Towers... can I be your Osama?

I'm going to your mom's house. Can you help me, planet?

Why does Trump play Minecraft?

'Cause he can build walls.

Can you imagine The Count from Sesame Street having sex? "1 orgasm..., 2 orgasm..., 3 orgasm..., ah ah ah!"

Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home. As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump’s wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie. As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him.

The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him. Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn’t really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump’s friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump’s friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, “Aww, I’m lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!”

There is only one thing I have to give my enemies.

A bucket full of dead baby heads and semen so they can replenish their spawn.

Kenny: "Tyler, you're lucky you're adopted."

Tyler: "Why?"

Kenny: "Because you can fuck your mom without getting arrested for incest."

What's the difference between a Russian potato and a U.S. potato?

The U.S. potato can still compete in the Special Olympics.

What's Technoblade's favorite show and is the only one he can relate to?

Peppa Pig: Peppa Dies!

What did Stephen Hawking's mum say to him when he asked for £10?

"You can take a run and jump!"

"Banjo players spend half their lives tuning... and the other half out of tune."

I'm a banjo picker, and I can confirm this is 99% true.

Hey Jonny, you can buy a...

Pun o' chips at the store!

I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied, "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"

Me: Can I get your mom's number?

Friend: Here you go:

Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.

What's the difference between a midget and a tall person? Only one of them can ride the rides.

I have an account at the website Memedroid.

My name is J0K35FromWJE.

Feel free to follow me, and I WILL upload to Memedroid (I might not upload daily).

I will still make jokes here jlyk (just letting you know).

Ok here's your joke now...

What did one pizza say to the other when they were in bed?

"Can I have a pizza that ass?"