Can jokes
I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.
Autoerotic asphyxiation because hanging in there can be hard.
Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.
His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”
Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”
What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?
They have both had a few strokes.
Employer: Can you perform under pressure?
Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."
What is a good time for dinner, and what do I do? You can do dinner. Was that it?
Your forehead is so big, you can fit Santa’s sack on it.
She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!
Why is Homelander an orphan's favorite superhero?
Because they can actually land a home.
The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him, "Don't skip leg day."
I will never forget my grandfather's last words:
"Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"
Q: Why can you be rude to an orphan?
A: Because who are they gonna tell their parents?
Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?
Your mom is heavier than Mariah can even carry.
Your forehead is so big you can smoke a cigar in the rain.
Q: Why can't orphans ever win at Yahtzee?
A: Because they can never seem to get a full house.
What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?
The depressed person can scan themself.
I'm lookin' for some good jokes for the best song award. Can y'all help a fellow out?
Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home. 😀😀