Can jokes

Three rednecks, Billy, Joe, and John, are talking about their hobbies. They agree on shooting. John says, "I like shooting animals." Joe says, "I like shooting birds." Billy says, "I like shooting cans." Joe and John ask, "What kind of cans, like bear cans, Pepsi cans, or cola cans?" Billy responds, "Africans, Mexicans, Jamaicans, and Asian Americans."

What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?

This would be much better if you were alive.

I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.

Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.

So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.

A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."

What's the most fun a monk can have?

Nun.

“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”

No sun.

I am reading a horror book in braille.

Something bad is going to happen. I CAN FEEL IT!

Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!

"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"

I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.

Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"

Science can fly you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

Why does Batman’s mask only cover half of his face?

So the police can see that he’s white.

Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.

They should bring Michael Jackson back from the dead so he can star in the Peter Pan horror movie.

Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.

I said, "a smile."

They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.

My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.

Going to school is mandatory in this country.

Can you guess my plan?

I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Your teeth are so spread out my mom can drive her car through the gap in your teeth.

Why do Emos love Christmas? So they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. Hope you liked it, happy holidays!

DO Not Touch - the worst thing you can read in Braille.

I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.