Can jokes

Ninety percent of your beauty can be removed with a Kleenex.

Oh, were you talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.

Hold still, I am trying to imagine you with a personality.

Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."

Walnut says, "I look like a brain."

Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."

Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"

Knock, knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.

What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?

This would be much better if you were alive.

Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.

So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.

A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."

What's the most fun a monk can have?

Nun.

Science can fly you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”

No sun.

Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!

"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"

I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.

You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.

I am reading a horror book in braille.

Something bad is going to happen. I CAN FEEL IT!

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?

Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.

How much semen can a gay man hold? A buttload.

Hey guys, wish me luck on my game Al-Nassr vs. Raed Al-Raed. I have 604 million followers on Instagram, but we are not gonna be able to beat that. Can we get to 69 followers, please and thankyou?

They should bring Michael Jackson back from the dead so he can star in the Peter Pan horror movie.

Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.

I said, "a smile."

They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.

My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.

Going to school is mandatory in this country.

Can you guess my plan?

Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.

I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.