Can jokes

Science can fly you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”

No sun.

I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.

Can emos eat a happy meal, or is it a depressed meal?

Your teeth are so spread out my mom can drive her car through the gap in your teeth.

A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”

Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself inside them.

So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.

Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.

Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

So they can get in the cast!

How can you surprise someone who is blind?

Leave a plunger in the toilet.

I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.

I said, "a smile."

They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.

My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.

Going to school is mandatory in this country.

Can you guess my plan?

Hey guys, wish me luck on my game Al-Nassr vs. Raed Al-Raed. I have 604 million followers on Instagram, but we are not gonna be able to beat that. Can we get to 69 followers, please and thankyou?

Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.

DO Not Touch - the worst thing you can read in Braille.

They should bring Michael Jackson back from the dead so he can star in the Peter Pan horror movie.

Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.

Why do Emos love Christmas? So they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. Hope you liked it, happy holidays!

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.