Can Jokes

I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.

Can emos eat a happy meal, or is it a depressed meal?

Your teeth are so spread out my mom can drive her car through the gap in your teeth.

A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”

Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself inside them.

So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.

Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.

Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

So they can get in the cast!

How can you surprise someone who is blind?

Leave a plunger in the toilet.

I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.

I said, "a smile."

They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.

My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.

Going to school is mandatory in this country.

Can you guess my plan?

Hey guys, wish me luck on my game Al-Nassr vs. Raed Al-Raed. I have 604 million followers on Instagram, but we are not gonna be able to beat that. Can we get to 69 followers, please and thankyou?

DO Not Touch - the worst thing you can read in Braille.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?

This would be much better if you were alive.

Toto is at school and asks if he can go to the bathroom. The teacher says no.

Then, she asks Toto, “Where is the biggest river in the world?”

“Under my bench,” he replies.

Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.

What's the most fun a monk can have?

Nun.

Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."

Walnut says, "I look like a brain."

Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."

Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"

A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"

"Yes," replies the murderer, "Can you please hold my hand?"