What did the calculator say to the student? You can always count on me.
How can you get free butt plants? Just get your man to fill your butt with natural juices.
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
Why can an orphan never get picked up?
Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL
I don't get it.
Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, Daddy came in with the lady next door, and they started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off Daddy’s clothes, and Daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of Daddy and started...”.
The mother cuts him off and says, “Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me.” A couple hours later, the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face, shouting, “I’m leaving you... Go ahead, Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier.” Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. “Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door, and you both started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off your clothes, and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing Mom did with Uncle Joe last summer.”
*karen walks into MCcdonalds lady at the counter:HI what can I get for you today?? Karen:i want 1 SMALL FRIES PLEASE AND MAKE IT SNAPPY LITTLE NOODLE lady at the counter:yes miss Karen:I WILL NOW INSPECT THIS lady at the counter:*sweats* Karen:THIS IS NOT SALTY ENOUGHT GET ME THE MANAGER KNOW SKINY NOODLE
Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?
A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.
Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free?
todoroki POV: all he can think about deku
The best part of working at an orphanage is you can give them family-size chips.
Why did the orphan rod a bank. For he can be wanted
What can you say to make a rape victim feel better?
"It will be over soon."
The Mexican landscaper came to cut our lawn. My mom was happy then ask him can I have some your burrito he said yeah. I said whatever. A few minutes my mom told me to cut the lawn I said why do I have to do it that why he there for. My mom said he going to do the burrito for me then I said okay. I finish cutting the lawn I wen tin the house. I see my mom giving the landscaper a blow job. I said to my mom what are you doing my mom said what does it look like. I having my burrito. The landscaper told me that I miss a spot while cutting the lawn.
Once in 4th grade Rn I told a random tree Hey my day is bad rn can we hang later? The tree said: Yeah we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It’ll say anti Depressants. ✨
your hairline can fit a truck without toching either side
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, i said: "Hey can i borrow that?" he says "yes" me over here walking to the cashier and saying: "goodbye" he screams: "HAVE MERCY!" I say: "No not to you, to me. say goodbye" he says: "No don't shoot yourself" it was to late.
