Can jokes

One like and whatever you say in the comments I'll do, but one rule: it can only be 2-4 hours in or out of Gloucestershire and South Gloucestershire.

Why did the orphan like to jump? So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with their parents.

1 like = 10 more orphans in my basement.

I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

What is the difference between a Mexican and a bench?

The bench can support its family.

Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)

When you call the Middle Eastern suicide hotline, they ask you if you can fly a plane.

I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.

A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."

"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."

- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*

"You can drink drinks, but you can't food foods."

-Sun Tzu, The Art Of Food

Why do Mexicans wear pointed boots?

So they can climb a fence easier.

9 year olds can consent. That’s like 18 divided by 2.

How do you make a trash can leak?

Hit it with an axe until it becomes part of the cosmos!

The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"

The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"

The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"

The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"

The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"

What does an autistic kid and a porn video have in common? You can shoot both of them, just not in public.

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?

You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.

How can Canada be one of the most educated countries when Canadians are unable to correctly spell "analyse", "programme", and "aluminium"?

You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.

Waitress: What can I get for you?

Me: I'll have a steak.

Waitress: How would you like it?

Me: Immediately!

If being sexy was a crime, you can call me......... a law-abiding citizen.