Call jokes
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Russell
What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?
Ereptile Dysfunction!
What do you call it when you baptize a Mexican? Bean dip!
What do you call a group of Alabama superheroes?
The Incredibles.
What do you call lesbian sex during their period?
A blood transfusion.
lollll
What do you call a person that [proudly] knows only one language? A bloody seppo.
What do you call a person that speaks five languages? A Euro waiter.
What do you call sex with a hoover?
Clean sex.
What do you call a man who can fly? A flying man.
Why can’t Kurt Cobain ride in the passenger seat?
Because he doesn’t like when someone calls "shotgun!"
You know I used to call my dogs' balls the Twin Towers, until they came rumbling down.
Me and my friend roasting each other.
Friend: You look like a baboon.
Me: Stop talking, you look like a gorilla, so I might call animal control on you and I'll be seeing you at the zoo!
What do you call Trump with no spray tan on his hair? Your next door grumpy old neighbor.
What do you call a fat midget?
A pig.
What do you call a surprised Chinese man?
Ho Lee Fuk.
What do you call it when you are very sad in Panera Bread?
Panera Dread.
Why didn't the orphan do the work?
Because when the teacher says they would call your mum or dad, there's nobody to call.
What do you call it when Panera Bread commits genocide?
Panera bloodshed.
What is a gathering of octopuses called?
Octoposse.
I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)
A German, a Swiss, and a Russian make a bet: whoever has the most forest area in their country wins about 10,000 euros.
First, they fly over Switzerland: 8,000 square kilometers of forest. The German starts getting cold feet, as he doesn't think he'll win. Next, they fly over Russia: 50,000 square kilometers of forest. The German realizes he doesn't stand a chance unless he cheats.
When they fly over Germany, they see 10,000 square kilometers of forest. The German seems to have won, but then the Swiss shouts: "That's a tree!" The German was accused of fraud.
The German is furious. He calls the head of the Bundeswehr: "Why did the tree move?!" The boss said, "I'll put the guy who moved on the line," and passed the receiver over.
"Why did you move?" the German asked.
The young man replied: "Okay, when a dog came along and peed on my trunk, that was still fine. But then a bear came along and rubbed against my trunk..."