Call jokes

Friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! I'll be in court.

Imagine working at the World Trade Center, only for Osama bin Laden to call and ask if he could crash at your place.

How do you start a school shooting at a black school?

Call the cops.

What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.

What do you call a walkie-talkie for retards? -- A stumblie-mumblie.

In English class, the teacher says, "Kids, you need to say the alphabet. Okay, Sally, you first." Sally says, "Okay, a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z." The teacher says, "Good job, Sally." Then the teacher called on four other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on Little Johnny. The teacher says, "Little Johnny, say the alphabet." Little Johnny says, "b c e f g h i j k l m n o p s v w x y z." The teacher says, "No, Johnny, that's not right." Johnny says, "Oh, I forgot, u r a q t." The teacher says, "No, still not right, and thank you." Johnny says, "Oh, I’ll give you the d later." The class laughs and the teacher says, "Go to the office now."

How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."

What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?

A blender.

People call me a bad person, but just the other day I saw a little kid crying and asked him where were his parents. I love working at the orphanage.

My father said I'm too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.

What do you call disabled people that follow politics?

A special interest group.

What do you call an Asian prostitute?

Suck Mi Dong.

Why are babies called bundles of joy?

When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on juan.

What do you call a cow who plays an instrument? -- A moosician.

What do you call it when you baptize a Mexican? Bean dip!

If a fly loses its wings, is it now a walk? Wait a minute, I found out a mind blower. So the 🌎 is the 3rd planet from the sun, doesn't that mean all countries are called the 3rd country of 🌎? If I get 10 likes, I'll do one mind-blowing fact daily.

What did me and my uncle call hide and seek? Naked and afraid.

What do you call a sophisticated American?

A Canadian.

My friend once said my opinion didn't matter. I said, "Why did you call me a female?"