My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, “OK, you’re ugly too.”
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, “What are you going to do now?”
God said, “I think I’m going to call it a day.”
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”
My father said I’m to reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support
A teaher gives her kindergarden students four flavors of live savers and they have to guess the flavors the students guess cherry lime and orange. They dont know th last flavor. So the teacher gives them and hint and say its what your parents call each other. [honey] But a little girl shouts and says “ OMG there assholes.