Call jokes
Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
Dad: “Call me George.”
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dinosnore!
Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."
Jay and Andrew are best friends who are almost alike. The difference between them both is Jay is poor and well... Andrew, on the other hand, is suck-a-dick poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes up in his room, walks to the kitchen, and asks his mom, Lisa (I call her Lisa now, btw), if there is anything to eat. "No, bitch!" she replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed.
Now Andrew... wakes up, jumps out of bed, and he's in the kitchen. He sees his mom fixing some food for work after a long hard night of giving her husband blue balls. "Anything left for me, Mother?" Andrew asks. "Sorry, Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work, taking her time* Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself, "Man... I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if you do my first customer for me!"
What do you call a dabbing cow?
Udder savagery.
What do you call a person that [proudly] knows only one language? A bloody seppo.
What do you call a person that speaks five languages? A Euro waiter.
A woman has been raped by a man. She calls the police, and a policeman shows up.
Woman: "Please help, officer! I have been raped!"
Officer: "No problem, ma'am, I will just unrape you."
Woman: "What? Unrape me? How?"
Officer proceeds to bring back the rapist and forces the woman to rape the rapist back in order to cancel out the initial rape.
What do you call a shitty movie? One that fucking sucks and shits.
What do you call a suspicious dog?
A sussy bark-er.
What do you call a terrorist that can fly?
A dart.
We have some leak in the fridge. I'm surprised nobody has called a plumber.
Q. What do you call a Muslim basketball player?
A. Osama Bin Ballin'.
What's Stephen Hawking's wife called? Wendy.
Why does everyone call me racist?
My shadow is black.
What do you call a party planned by Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
A high school pill party.
What do you call Tarzan when he swings through the trees backwards?
Nazrat.
"Terrorist, that’s a little strong. We call them private militaries."
Why can’t Kurt Cobain ride in the passenger seat?
Because he doesn’t like when someone calls "shotgun!"
ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG
Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.
Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.
Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.
I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.
I can't not believe you stupid fucks. This isn't funny. Just like a bunch of cunts not to believe there is nothing can't do.
BTW what do you call a manly woman's cunt? Nothing. Who gives a fuck?