Call jokes
I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.
When I called the suicidal hotline in Iraq, they asked if I could drive the car.
What do you call someone who wants to jump off a building?
Cause they want to become Super Man.
What did the Teacher say to the orphan?
"I am calling your parents!"
What do you call an orphan who became a priest?
Father-less.
What do you call a Chinese boy throwing poo?
Yung Flung Dung.
My girlfriend called me a "bot" in Fortnite, so I called her "sandwich maker 3000."
What do you call a group of transgender women?
X-Men.
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
Why can’t orphans have sex?
They have no one to call "daddy."
Why is it called a building if it's already built?
What do you call a stoner when horny?
A weed whacker!
Why do they call them apartments when they are together?
What do you call a skeleton's omelet?
A bonelet.
Kid: Licks money.
Mom: Hey, don’t lick the money. It is dirty.
Kid: Is that why they call people filthy rich?
What do you call male mermaids?
Mer-butlers!
What do you call a prostitute weed dealer?
A pot-hole.
What do you call a seven who's not feeling well? A sick seven
Where did Sally go after stepping onto the minefield? Everywhere
Getting a girlfriend is just like parking a car; usually all the good ones are taken, so you just gotta stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
Husband: Honey, do you want sex?
Wife: No, thanks, I have a headache.
Husband: Is that your final answer?
Wife: Mmmmm.
Husband: Are you sure?
Wife: Yes.
Husband: No doubts?
Wife: No.
Husband staring a long time at his wife.
Husband: Okay, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend.
What do you call a flat-chested emo girl?
A cutting board.