Buy

Buy jokes

Add joke

Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun. It comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now, pay later.

The other day, me and my friend were at the shops buying crafts. I was wearing a black top; she was wearing a stripy top. We were arguing about who was more creative when she asked me to prove that I am. I just said, "You buy your stripes, I make mine."

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.

One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son.

Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

"Yes it is," the man replies.

"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.

"No thanks," the man replies.

"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.

"OK. How much?" the man replies, after considering the position he was in.

"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.

"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive," but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.

The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy.

"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.

"Yes it is," replies the man.

"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.

"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.

"Fifty dollars," the boy replies, and the transaction is completed.

The next weekend, the little boy's father says, "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."

"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.

"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.

"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.

"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.

At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

"Don't you start that crap in here," the priest says.

People shouldn't worry about how orphans would feel reading these jokes. It's not like they have parents to buy them a phone or computer to see them, or even a place to charge them even if they did have one.

What stands on the side of the road and needs a lot of money to buy?

Billboard, did you think I was gonna say street walker?

The teacher asked the class what they wanted to be when they grew up.

Johnny said when he grows up he's going to be a motherfucking hustler. He's going to have a wife and live in a big house in the country with maids and butlers and drive a Rolls-Royce, and he's also going to have an apartment in the city where his side bitch is going to live. He's going to buy her expensive jewelry, whatever she wants: cars, diamonds, clothes, shoes.

The teacher didn't know what to say, so she calls on Sally. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Sally said, "I want to be Johnny's bitch."

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"

I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."

Two simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you:

Step 1: Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size).

Step 2: Run through Africa with that bottle of water.

Perfect! Now you got yourself half the population there following you!

I was shopping for a halloween costume, but once we got to the ghost section all of the costumes were out of stock! It turned out Pristiano Penaldo was buying them all! I came up to him and asked why he was doing this and he said: I’m sorry, but it’s match day, I must be a ghost 👻👻