But jokes

I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.

When Bob got on that sled, I don't know how he went so smoothly, but that is the invention of bobsled peoples.

And then Mark came in.

What did Jay Z say when he got pulled over?

"I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"

An orphan thinks he finally sees his mom, but then he realizes it's air.

You know that the F in orphan may stand for family, but it actually stands for "fuck family."

TELL ME YOU'VE DONE THIS WITHOUT TELLING ME YOU'VE DONE THIS.!!! So, we all know when y'all were in school, y'all would fart, but y'all would try to make it silent, but for me, that one day I farted loud, and everyone could hear. Everyone got to blame the annoying kid.

I tried to have phone sex once.

But the holes were too small.

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

I really wanna hit you right now, but that would be animal abuse.

I got the new phone with longer lasting battery, but it still lasts longer than your relationships, ooooooooooo!

Me: I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut g” and slapping the neck, I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g.”

Emo kid: He said like your bullet holes, G.

Me: I have no bullet holes.

Emo kid: Not yet, you don't.

Me: Ayo what the fuc*.

Three men walk into a bar. The 1st says, "Hey, how's it going?" The 2nd one says, "Great!" But then the 3rd man says, "Hello, where did my wife go? I swear she was just here!" What happened to the 3rd guy's wife?

I don't get progressive leftists these days. They claim to be supporting BLM, but they aren't pro-life.

When you have to fight an emo kid, but he brings his friends, so you gotta fight the Suicide Squad. But you gotta get the boys to help you.

I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy.

Stephen Hawking had a high I.Q., but still had to learn how to be disabled.

I was gonna make a gay joke but fuck it.

Why did the Twin Towers report to the pizza restaurant?

Because they asked for pepperoni, but they got plain.

I was going to make alligator last night, but I noticed that I only had a crock pot.😅

You look at it. You tug on it like a shoe string. You play with it like elastic bubble plastic, but it still never grows.