But jokes

An orphan saw a tornado, and he thought he saw his mom, but then he realized it was a corpse and said, "Hi, Dad!"

Friend 1: How come when you say "apart" your lips move apart, but when you say "together" they move apart?

Me: Maybe your lips want a divorce.

People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"

And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"

Words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

But numbers can. (Lol)

I drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was... Oh, CRAP!!!

What do you call Shroud when he is hurt?

ShrOWd.

Guess what, Shroud is back on wje, I don't know why, but he is...

I waved to you before, but you never sea me because you're so washed up.

I went to the table to eat my egg, but I couldn't find it anywhere.

I think someone must've poached it.

I was at a milk store and ordered some milk.

They brought it over but spilled it on me.

I said that was a udder failure!

What runs but does not walk? It's water.

But your mom's the best, the super M.I.L.F.

And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol, but if I were you, I wouldn’t kiss your mom on the mouth at all.

I accidentally hit an orphan with my car, but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents.

Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.

I was gonna tell you a great pun, but it's too cheesy.

The bird was trying to cross the road because there was a church, but instead, the birds chirp chirp chirp, "Let's go to church!"

I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.

Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.

My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.

I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.

How do you disappoint people in Africa?

Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.

But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.

My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(