But jokes

Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.

For me, the best part of depression is remaining charming around strangers but saving the misery for the ones who love you.

Your mom was dating a boy that had a twin brother, but she did it with the wrong one.

Did you know Princess Diana's last dress she wore was white? But afterwards, it was red.

I would make a joke, but it won't be as explosive as the others.

What does a cute deaf girl and a fire have in common?

They're both hot, but they're both quiet.

I heard that Uranus is pronounced "yuuranus," but it reminded me of urine! 😆

Me: "Gift a homeless kid iPhone 7."

The kid: But it has no home button.

Me: Exactly. 💀

I arrived at basketball and I asked little Jimmy if he brought the basketballs, and he said, "Nope, but I got two right here!"

I was about to tell a 9/11 joke, but it was too plane.

What goes up but never goes down?

My grades.

(I wish)

Roses are red, violets are blue, but at least a dumptruck isn't as ugly as you.

The people in the tower ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was a plane.

I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........

So, one day I have a wife, but if it's getting a longer day, she is moving so weird, and I see she has sex with Rick Astley. 😂 [rickrolled]

The Christian, the Buddhist, and the Muslim each go on a separate plane.

The Christian's and the Buddhist's flight goes well, but the Muslim's plane has a problem and crashes into two towers.

I know a good airplane joke, but it will probably go over your head.

Twin Towers: "No, it won't."

An orphan saw a tornado, and he thought he saw his mom, but then he realized it was a corpse and said, "Hi, Dad!"

I was about to joke about your life, but I think your life is already a joke.

What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

What about the glue?

I knew you'd get stuck there.