But jokes

I was going to walk to Verizon, but I decided to Sprint over to T-Mobile instead.

So, the sea is on a computer but doesn't know how to search, so the computer said to the sea, "Search!"

Do you get it? SEArch.

I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow, but when I woke up, my pillow was gone!

The irony of metal jokes is pretty fun. But it leads to a lot of people stealing them.

When people mean "phat feast," they don't mean fat.

When yo mumma says "phat," she means FAT but thinks she's cool!

I love how all these jokes about different accidents have happened, but why isn't anyone writing about how much of an accident we all were?

When your uncle drops a nickel, but the only thing he really drops is his pants.

My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up!

I have a skeleTON of jokes, but none of them are very humorous.

I would tell you a chemistry pun, but I won't get a reaction.

What does your mom and a slinky have in common?

They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.

Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"

"Knock knock?"

"Mustache."

"I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later!"

You are American when you walk into the bathroom, and you are American when you walk out.

But do you know what you are when you're in the bathroom? European.

There was a dog in the middle of the room, so I called it and started to play fetch. Then my mother shouted at me for playing with my food. I missed it, but it was tasty.

So I got these new shoes, except they were from a drug dealer.

Now I don't know what they were laced with, but I was trippin' all day.

The waiter recommended the rug meal.

She said it was delicious, but it's a tassle to make.

Come on guys, it's not nice to make fun of autism. I mean really, the Riot devs try their best, but just because they have autism does not mean you can make fun of them. Make fun of them for something else, like their Down syndrome.

I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder

What if Stephen Hawking was the Real Slim Shady, but no one knew because he couldn't stand up?