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Roses are red, violets are blue, The children are fast, But Elmo is faster, Bow down to your master!

My mum told me to take you to the zoo and throw you in the lake, but I couldn't find you.

Little Johnny: Hey, Dad, are you finally back with the milk?

Dad: Yea, but it's expired, so I'm going back to the "milk store" and get more (and not come back for a couple more years). :)

I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.

I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"

He gave me a book.

It was the Quran.

I said, "What the hell is that?"

He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."

When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:

I used to have a goldfish which breakdanced on the floor. But only for like twenty seconds.

I just reached 10 million pounds in Euro Truck Simulator, but it's not even close to what Rakhmat Akilov achieved.

If you want to SH but not in the sell farm way, come ooon.. do you even know what does that means?..

A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.

So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.