But jokes
Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?
Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.
Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.
Ali from Kazakhstan, he got small forehead, all his friends laugh. They say, "Ali, your forehead so tiny, you need magnifying glass to see!" But Ali, he not care, he proud of his unique look. When he wear hat, it look like top of mountain, so funny, everyone laugh with him. Ali know small forehead no problem, it make him special, like rare gem!
"Rajesh get on bus, so many people, squeeze here squeeze there. He daydream about naughty stuff, like coffee spill but not coffee. Bus move, stop, he press close to pretty lady, she smell nice. Rajesh think how funny if something else spill, make whole bus ride wild." He laugh to self, bus ride never boring now!
Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...
It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.
The woman was thinking she wanted to have sex, but one second later, she did it on the street with a criminal.
Well, I was gonna make a joke about drunk people, but that would be good for the health.
I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.
"The dad was so horny he wanted to have sex with his wife, but his wife said no, so he fucked his daughter."
I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.
We aren't ghosts, but I'll take you under the sheets.
I'm not counting, but I have some fingers for you.
Theory is when you know everything but nothing works.
Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.
In our lab, theory and practice are combined: Nothing works and no one knows why.
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."
I'd make a 9/11 joke, but they always crash and burn.
You look good with anything, but nothing works too.
Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.