Business jokes
Who makes more money, a drug dealer or a prostitute?
A prostitute, because she can always wash her crack and sell it again.
I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"
What’s the difference between 1000 used tires and 1000 used condoms?
One's a good year and one's a great year.
I was at a milk store and ordered some milk.
They brought it over but spilled it on me.
I said that was a udder failure!
"MERCURY INSURANCE, come to our office in Mercury."
Memes
What's the best thing about a prostitute dying on you during sex?
The second hour is free.
What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
"A satisfactory."
Do they call it rapeseed oil because it is lube?
Your hairline is so wonky that it looks like the McDonald’s sign.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
My name is Ya.
Ya who?
Yahooooo!!!
Solicitors are more likely to harass someone with a “no soliciting” sign on their front porch.
Q: Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee?
A: Because they're Santa's Starbucks!
Did you hear about the shark that ate a key shop?
I think it got lockjaw after that.
What do you call a person that guards a Samsung store?
A Guardian Of The Galaxy :)
How many Lowe’s could Rob Lowe rob if Rob Lowe could rob Lowe’s?
What do you call a guy with a big dick that likes to eat fish?
Long John Silvers or Captain D's.
When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Why did the rapper become a banker?
Because he wanted to make some BIG BANK DEPOSITS!
How do rappers make their money?
By dropping dimes.
Why did the rapper become a beekeeper?
To make some BUZZWORTHY TRACKS!