Broke jokes

My girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me eating a banana with my butt........

IMAGINE!

I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden.

It just doesn’t make any cents!

What would happen if a dam broke when you are on it?

You would be dam unlucky.

I was being interviewed by Elon Musk. He asked, "Where are you from?" and I said Portugal. He replied, "So you are a fellow countryman of a Pen merchant whose freekick ball broke my rover on Mars. Get out!!" Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Penaldo, for costing me my dream job!

Stephen Hawking didn’t die. His charger broke.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so they can fetch some pee. Jack fell down and broke his whole body. Jill just laughed and didn’t care, so now they have a daughter.

I broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldn't stand for the pledge. She was in a wheelchair.

I had a girlfriend who was a below-the-knee amputee. We broke up because she just couldn't keep her legs closed.

Friend: I broke up with Sara.

Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.

Friend: How did her pussy feel?

Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.

Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!

How come you never see a broke midget?

Because he’s living in the broke man’s boots.

Yo mama is so fat, she jumped on a trampoline and she broke it.

A fire broke out at the circus, it was intense.

How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?

The weird moaning sounds when you try to slide in the back door.

Followed by slipping in Kentucky (KY) Jelly.

Followed by landing in deep shit.

Followed by being totally covered in sea men.

Why did Susie get cut from the soccer team? She has no legs!

Who broke into my house by kicking down my door? Not Susie... But she still is in my basement, since she can't run!

If I had a dollar for every time a rap hater made an intelligent statement, I’d be more broke than the rap haters.

My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.

Patient to doctor: "Will I be ok, Doc?"

Doctor: "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now."

Patient: "I don't do that astrology stuff."

Doctor: "Nor me. My thermometer just broke."

Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.

Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!

Rachel: Alright!

On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.

Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!

Your mama is so fat, she broke the stairs to Heaven.

Heyyy, in the last six months, [I had] 4 suicide attempts, broke up with 3 girls, and my mom went on drugs.