Broke jokes

A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"

The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"

Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

They said time heals all wounds, well, I broke your watch.

An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."

The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"

The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"

Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.

...

I guess her rubber broke too.

What did the mouse 🐭 say when his friend broke their teeth?

Hard cheese! 🧀😂

Yo mama so FAT... I tried to picture her in my head... AND SHE BROKE MY GOD DAMN NECK!

Me and my girlfriend broke up, so I took her wheelchair, and she came crawling back.

Yo mama so fat, she broke Usain Bolt's 100 meter speed record by taking ONE STEP!

What did Michael Jackson say before he broke up with Billie Jean?

"Billie Jean is not my lover!"

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.

My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.

I'm feeling cannelloni right now.

An orphan girl's boyfriend broke up with her, what was his reason?

"If her parents didn't want her, why should I?"

1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.

2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.

3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.

4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.

5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.

7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.

8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.

9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.

10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?

11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.

12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.

Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.

If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.

I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.

A skeleton walks into the hospital and said: "Doctor, Doctor, I broke my leg!" The doctor said: "I see..."

I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden.

It just doesn’t make any cents!

Did you hear on the news that a midget psychic broke out of jail?

There is a small medium at large.