Broke Jokes

Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now 😐

I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said “did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied “do you mean Nein millimeter?”

my pencil sharpener when i bleed: aAnd i dont really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws? -- It was given two consecutive sentences.

Friend: I broke up with Sara.

Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.

Friend: How did her p*ssy feel?

Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.

Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?!

I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall and when I got out a handicap man told me that I was an a**hole and I told him “bet you won’t stand up and say that to my face” and hen he broke down.

Patient to doctor: "Will I be ok, Doc?" Doctor: "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now." Patient: "I don't do that astrology stuff." Doctor: "Nor me. My thermometer just broke."

Yo mama soo ugly!, * The mime* Broke his 30 year streak of silence!!!!

I used to date a girl named Ruth but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.

Me: My gf broke up with me yesterday and I had her wheel chair

Me: guess who came crawling right back

Broke my toenail yesterday, I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:

1. "Yeah I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."

Why was the clown sad

He broke his funny bone. Ps: funny bone is not actually a bone

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”

Person: I broke my arm in three places

Doctor: well don’t go to those three places then.

Why did Susie get cut from the soccer team? She has no legs! Who broke into my house by kicking down my door? Not Susie... But she still is in my basement, since she can't run!

i met a girl that was 6-5 and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm, she really said ohh snap like a twin tower

Stephen Hawking didn’t die.

His charger broke.

Michael Jackson broke his window what dose he say? i cant sehe

Official Dj Penaldo playlist. 1. I'm a fraud 2. I need you (ft. Tap-ins) 3. I Want to Leave Mid United 4. Back where I belong (ft. Europa league) 5. TY Eder 6. Nobody wants me ( Rejectnaldo Remix) 7. Fuck that kid ( ft. Lil Broke phone) 8. Sewy (Benched +arms crossed version)