Bringing jokes
So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my coworkers found gold. I said, "AU, bring that over here!"
You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
Why can orphans get away with being bad at school?
They do not have parents to bring to parent/teacher conferences.
Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.
Why did my dad bring a bomb vest to fit in with his Taliban brothers?
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the concert?
In case his lyrics made the crowd jump!
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
Why did the rapper bring a map to the recording studio?
Because he heard they were dropping TRACKS.
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?
Because he wanted to drop higher bars!
What's one piece of stationary gay kids always forget to bring to school? A ruler.
A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells, “I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader!”
A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him. Later, he brings the man to Stalin. The soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man, “Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets?”
The man responds, “Of course, I was thinking about Hitler!”
Stalin lets him go, but then he stops the soldier and says, “Who were YOU thinking about?”
Where do you bring a canoe that doesn’t feel good?... The boat dock.
Why did the rapper bring a broom on stage?
To sweep the competition!
What is the difference between the human rights act and the rights of the earth?
Human and the earth earth is a good earth 🌎 was that what time do for dinner 🍽 night night love 💗 night night fun day and dinner 🍴 night night fun day home 🏡 night is it a great 👍 home 🏡 was the day I love 💕
"Butter, butter, and butter, please, please bring me butter."
Why did the girl bring the ladder to school? Because she wanted to go to high school.
Why did the guy bring a rope to the party?
Because he wanted to hang out... permanently. 💀😈
What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?
One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and swim in some shit. Jack forgot to bring some goggles and floaty, and now they have a daughter.
Secret: Jill didn’t go in the shit yet. Jack went in first and died! :D