Bringing jokes

A woman has been raped by a man. She calls the police, and a policeman shows up.

Woman: "Please help, officer! I have been raped!"

Officer: "No problem, ma'am, I will just unrape you."

Woman: "What? Unrape me? How?"

Officer proceeds to bring back the rapist and forces the woman to rape the rapist back in order to cancel out the initial rape.

Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.

How do you get a boy to share something? Bring in Michael Jackson's bed.

If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?

A swallow.

Why are there more female history teachers than male?

Because women like to bring up the past.

How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?

A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.

A man asked for poison and another man gave it to him. The first man took a sip and said, "hmmm, this tastes like arsenic." He took a sip of another and said, "hmmm, this tastes like cyanide. A very unpleasant taste that brings back memories."

What did Santa Claus bring Michael Jackson for Christmas? His elves! 😂😂😂

I’d like to take you to the movies, but unfortunately, they don’t let you bring your own snacks.

Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.

Where did Michael Jackson go to college?

Bring 'em young.

(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”

And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”

An emo man asked a librarian for a suicide book. She said no because you won't bring it back.

Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?

Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.

Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.

A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"

Q: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

A: A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.

There's going to be a party at the orphanage tonight. I'm bringing a gun.

My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.

So I had him bring my wife.

Why are history teachers always women? Because they like to bring up the past.