Bringing Jokes

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer...?

A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

A man asked for poison and another man gave it to him. The first man took a sip and said, "hmmm this tastes like arsenic." He took a sip of another and said, "hmmm this tastes like cyanide. A very unpleasant taste that brings back memories."

I’d like to take you to the movies but unfortunately they don’t let you bring ur own snacks😩

dont you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water cause your dad wont bring the fucking milk? cuase same

(True story) Today I was bring some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “oh, now they’re broken.” And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”

A police officer came up to me and said just why why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight

Dad- Son do you want to play roc’ ‘‘em soc robots?

Son- sure, let me get it from the closet

Dad- No, bring your sisters, just like the game, they can’t move their legs.

Q: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

A: A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes

A emo man asked a librarian for a suicide book she said no because you wont bring it back

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.

There's going to be a party at the orphanage tonight, I'm bringing a gun

My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school

So I had him bring my wife

Where did Michael Jackson go to college? Bring 'em Young.

Why are history teachers always women? Because they like to bring up the past.

Three women- a blonde, a brunette and a redhead- are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two two hours later their vehicle dies with no gas and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them. The brunette brings canteens of water. The redhead takes a large beach umbrella. The Blonde somehow rips off the car door. The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?" To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."