Bringing Jokes

How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?

Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.

If I was a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party and insomnia the little annoying sibling.

Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?" His mother replies, "The stork brings them." Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"

Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.

What do you call you're daughter's boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?

An ambulance

Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? - Because she heard the drinks were on the house.

If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.

So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my co-workers found gold. I said AU, bring that over here!

Why are fish 🐟 easy to measure?

Because they bring their own scales.

Why was 6 afraid to go camping with 7?

Because 7 ONEted TWO bring THREE knives FOUR surFIVEal, but 6 secretly knew that 7 hEIGHTed him, and didn’t have beNINE inTENtions.

Read this out loud to yourself and it’ll make sense. ;)

Is Stephen hawking under warranty, if so can I bring him back to currys pc world?

A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."

A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.

i hate it when ever i bring a girl over my parents don't care but when i bring one of my friends thats a boy there like KeEp ThE DoOr OpEn and im gay

What brings kids to school everyday? A school bus 🚌

September 11 bring your plane to work day

You travel to the past into the era where julius caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die? ̈

You reply with: ̈Surrounded by friends ̈