How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?
Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.
If I was a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party and insomnia the little annoying sibling.
Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?" His mother replies, "The stork brings them." Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
What do you call you're daughter's boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?
An ambulance
Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? - Because she heard the drinks were on the house.
A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my co-workers found gold. I said AU, bring that over here!
Why are fish 🐟 easy to measure?
Because they bring their own scales.
Why was 6 afraid to go camping with 7?
Because 7 ONEted TWO bring THREE knives FOUR surFIVEal, but 6 secretly knew that 7 hEIGHTed him, and didn’t have beNINE inTENtions.
Read this out loud to yourself and it’ll make sense. ;)
Is Stephen hawking under warranty, if so can I bring him back to currys pc world?
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
What is the difference between Jesus, and a picture of Jesus? You can hang the picture with just one nail.
I told my dad is was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said "Hey you should CUT it out." It was funny but I couldn't bring myself to laugh at that.
September 11 bring your plane to work day
You travel to the past into the era where julius caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die? ̈
You reply with: ̈Surrounded by friends ̈
Average Kid: brings mp3 to school
Rich Kid: Brings mp4 to school
Quiet Kid: Brings an mp5
When ur fighting with the emo kid and he brings his friends. Now u gotta fight the suicide squd
