A pancake and an egg walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
The tent pole is up, The canvas is spread, The hell with breakfast, Come back to bed.
Take the tent pole down, Put the canvas away, The monkey had a hemorrhage, No circus today.
What's a depressed person's least favorite type of cereal?
LIFE.
You're so flat, you make pancakes look thiccc.
What's the difference between eggs and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.
What is the second hardest thing in the morning?
Getting up.
Why doesn't my egg want to crack?
Because I hate my egg-sistence.
Are you enjoying my yolks? I bet they're making you crack up. If not, I better scramble.
Them: You want some Lucky Harms?
Me: What are Lucky Harms?
Them: They're Lucky Charms, but instead of being magically delicious, they're magically malicious.
My day started out great until I woke up.
What kind of bagel can fly?
A plain.
What did music tell the pancakes? -- B flat.
My dad still hasn’t come back with the milk. Now we are stuck eating dry cereal.
What do you get after a leper has a hot bath? ... Porridge.
How do you spell ihop?
Then spell ihop and say "ness".
What do ghosts put on their bagels 🥯?
Scream cheese.
What do ghosts put on their bagels 🥯?
Scream Cheese 😱.
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!
1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.
While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.
We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.
