I’m not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and i’m not gonna die the same way.
There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, “Momma, why is my name Rose?” The mommy cow replies, “Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born.” The next calf comes up and asks, “Momma, why is my name Lily?” The mother replies, “Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born.” The third baby comes up and asks, “Momma, why is my name Daisy?” The momma cow again replieds" Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, “Huh Ruh Buh Duh!” The momma cow says, “Shut up, Cinderblock!”
Yo Mama is so huge when she was born everyone died
A boy and his mother survived a car crash. The boy asks his mother “Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?” The mother replies with “More like an accident.”
A boy breaks a vase and his mom says its ok honey mistakes happen how do you think you were born
My mum told me to stop playing with my sister; she said at least wait for her to be born first.
people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don’t like going to school
Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey
Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born
My parents told me I was born on the highway.
Aparently that’s where most accidents happen.
I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck? I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born
yesterday i tickled my granddaughters feet she is being born in 2 months
My dad told me that his dreams were shatterd a few years ago
Then i asked him how many years ago
He replied with ”when were you born?”
Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that??
there’s three kids: little drop, little feather, and little brick. Little feather goes “mommy why do u call me l’feather”? She answers “cuz a little feather fell over your head when u were born”. L’drop asks to his mom “mommy why do u call be l’drop”? She answers “cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born”. L’brick goes " aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn"
Why can’t you ever trick an aborted baby?
Because it wasn’t born yesterday 🤭
I always hated being born a catholic as a kid, the way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church, I was always thinking “for God’s sake just pick a position and fuck me”
God: ok so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look like from being born to preteen. Satan:(slides in) I’ll take over for you pops. God: I dunno….this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system. Satan: don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18! God: Hmm…I’m still not-(Gets a call on his phone) shoot I got to take this. (Answers call) don’t touch anything Lucifer! (Walks away) Satan:…….(just touches lightly and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away) God:(rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?! God:(tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) fuck me……… God:….(sighs) fine it’ll stay. We’ll just call it….puberty
When Chinese baby’s are born they should put “MADE FROM CHINA”.
Why can’t you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn’t born yesterday
the day after chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital
Teacher: Where were you born? Student: The highway Teacher: What do you mean Student: I don’t know my mom says thats were all the accidents happen.