Die

Anonymous

I’m not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and i’m not gonna die the same way.

Cow

Anonymous

There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, “Momma, why is my name Rose?” The mommy cow replies, “Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born.” The next calf comes up and asks, “Momma, why is my name Lily?” The mother replies, “Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born.” The third baby comes up and asks, “Momma, why is my name Daisy?” The momma cow again replieds" Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, “Huh Ruh Buh Duh!” The momma cow says, “Shut up, Cinderblock!”

Die

Anonymous

Yo Mama is so huge when she was born everyone died

Car

Anounymouse

A boy and his mother survived a car crash. The boy asks his mother “Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?” The mother replies with “More like an accident.”

Break

Natalie

A boy breaks a vase and his mom says its ok honey mistakes happen how do you think you were born

Sister

F...HandsMcFestive

My mum told me to stop playing with my sister; she said at least wait for her to be born first.

Depression

Anonymous

people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don’t like going to school

Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey

Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born

Car

Anonymous

My parents told me I was born on the highway.

Aparently that’s where most accidents happen.

Depression

Edgelord 3000

I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck? I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born

Darkness

Tickle ur pickle

yesterday i tickled my granddaughters feet she is being born in 2 months

Puns

Lifeisalie

My dad told me that his dreams were shatterd a few years ago

Then i asked him how many years ago

He replied with ”when were you born?”

Uranus

Anonymous

Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that??

Kid

l'brick

there’s three kids: little drop, little feather, and little brick. Little feather goes “mommy why do u call me l’feather”? She answers “cuz a little feather fell over your head when u were born”. L’drop asks to his mom “mommy why do u call be l’drop”? She answers “cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born”. L’brick goes " aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn"

Baby

Anonymous

Why can’t you ever trick an aborted baby?

Because it wasn’t born yesterday 🤭

Kid

TheAutisticTroll

I always hated being born a catholic as a kid, the way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church, I was always thinking “for God’s sake just pick a position and fuck me”

Shooting

Anonymous

God: ok so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look like from being born to preteen. Satan:(slides in) I’ll take over for you pops. God: I dunno….this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system. Satan: don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18! God: Hmm…I’m still not-(Gets a call on his phone) shoot I got to take this. (Answers call) don’t touch anything Lucifer! (Walks away) Satan:…….(just touches lightly and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away) God:(rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?! God:(tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) fuck me……… God:….(sighs) fine it’ll stay. We’ll just call it….puberty

Chinese

Anonymous

When Chinese baby’s are born they should put “MADE FROM CHINA”.

Fetus

Person

Why can’t you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn’t born yesterday

Day

Anonymous

the day after chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital

Means

Gage Cook

Teacher: Where were you born? Student: The highway Teacher: What do you mean Student: I don’t know my mom says thats were all the accidents happen.

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