I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and i'm not gonna die the same way.
There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds" Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"
people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don't like going to school
Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey
Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born
A boy and his mother survived a car crash. The boy asks his mother "Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?" The mother replies with "More like an accident."
The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we’ve all kicked a pregnant woman before we where even born.
My mum told me to stop playing with my sister; she said at least wait for her to be born first.
Why did the United Nations stop the french government from using the guillotine in public? because the french government was using the guillotine in public on new born baby boys for circumcision
Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that??
A boy breaks a vase and his mom says its ok honey mistakes happen how do you think you were born
God: ok so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look like from being born to preteen. Satan:(slides in) I’ll take over for you pops. God: I dunno....this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system. Satan: don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18! God: Hmm...I’m still not-(Gets a call on his phone) shoot I got to take this. (Answers call) don’t touch anything Lucifer! (Walks away) Satan:.......(just touches lightly and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away) God:(rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?! God:(tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) fuck me........ God:....(sighs) fine it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty
Why do feminists believe that they can act like a bitch towards men if they want to because they were born without a penis
I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck? I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born
Your hairline goes back to when Adam and Eve were born.
there's three kids: little drop, little feather, and little brick. Little feather goes "mommy why do u call me l'feather"? She answers "cuz a little feather fell over your head when u were born". L'drop asks to his mom "mommy why do u call be l'drop"? She answers "cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born". L'brick goes " aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn"
Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
Why can’t jesus be born in West Virginia
Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV His daughter comes in and says "dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! Its because when you were born a rose peddle fell on your head." "Cool" Rose said.
The second daughter walked in and said "dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied,"Oh! its because when you were a baby, a daisy peddle fell on your head." "Awesome" Daisy said.
The third daughter came in and said "DuUuBuDuRDeEDeRdUuUuU!!!" "SHUT UP CINDER BLOCK!!!"
the day after chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital
Yo mama so fat that she was born on 3rd,4th and 5th of the March.