Book jokes
Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."
What do planets like to read? Comet books!
What does B.I.B.L.E. stand for?
Bull Shit In Book Lacking Evidence.
Does it cycle now?
I was reading a book about an immortal dog yesterday...
It was impossible to put down.
What is Hitler's favorite book? "Hitler and the chamber of secrets."
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: Seeing others happy.
Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?
Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.
Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.
Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...
Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to “read this book”.
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
Why do heterosexual men like to receive an anonymous blowjob at an adult bookstore? Because they don't want gay men and bisexual men in the LGBT community to find out that they also like getting their cocks sucked by men, but they don't want gay and bisexual men in the LGBT community to find out.
What is Africa's most played game?
The Hunger Games.
What did the math book say to the other math book?
Wanna hear my problems?
What do the initials BIBLE stand for?
Bull In Book Lacking Evidence
I bought a book for my blind friend.
My initials are K.M.C.
Which could also stand for "Kill Main Character".
Which I am planning to do in this book I’m writing.
I’m writing an autobiography.
What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"
I am reading a horror book in braille.
Something bad is going to happen. I CAN FEEL IT!
My cock was in the book of world records...
The librarian told me to take it out.
My dick was in the book of world records.
But then the librarian asked me to take it out.
What's the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?
A ginger with friends.
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."