Why did Johnny not like the audiobook he got for his birthday?
Johnny was deaf.
I just got kicked out of the fucking library for putting the women's rights in the fiction section.
Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?
A: The ins and outs of child rearing.
What do you say to a fat Asian?
You got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?
It's called "One More Thyme."
What's the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?
A ginger with friends.
Book on Michael Jackson: Issued black; returned white.
Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.
I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So, I did science homework on top of a math book.
About the guy who gave Stevie Wonder a cheese grater...
He thought it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
Poor kids in American schools, they want books, but all they get are magazines.
I told a blind man to read more, so he grabbed my arm and read the whole dictionary.
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
Why was the math book so sad? Because it was filled with problems.
What's the difference between a child and a book?
One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? -- Tequila Mockingbird.
What's the difference between a boring teacher and a boring book?
You can shut the book up.
What is Africa's most famous sport?
The Hunger Games.
What's the difference between Harry Potter and Anne Frank?
Harry made it out of the chamber.
Which book takes an extreme turn and has an incredible plot twist?
- The math book. Suddenly letters appear in the calculations...
