Book jokes

In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.

Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."

It's just been discovered that as well as writing a book, Adolf Hitler also wrote one of the first computer games, "Mein Kraft."

Santa was in my social studies book. He was a redcoat.

I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.

Me running from the principal because I put ten woman's rights books in the fictional section!

I gave my blind friend a piece of sandpaper. He said it was the most gruesome book ever.

Did you hear that Rushdie has a new book? It's titled "Buddha, that Fat Fuck."

Me: Mrs., can I read my book?

Teacher: Sure.

Me: *watching my Chromebook*

What does B.I.B.L.E stand for?

Bullshit In Book Lacking Evidence.

Why are people mad at me? All I did was tell the truth and put the Bible in the fiction section of the library.

Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?

The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....

Why do midgets need a lot of books at school?

So they can reach the top of the desk.

You're so wonderful that Wonderland booked tickets to meet you!

All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.

After all, it's not like Donald Trump could write a book.

I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.

I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"

He gave me a book.

It was the Quran.

I said, "What the hell is that?"

He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."

What's Harry Potter's favorite way of going down a hill?

Walking. JK, Rowling.

I have been reading this book about zero gravity. I can’t seem to put it down.

I wrote a book called "Endless Love."

It’s about a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Hellen Keller.

What did the science textbook say to the math textbook?

You've got a lot of problems!

One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"

A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.