Body jokes

You're so fat that when you got on the scales, they said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew? The answer would be a comb or a piano, but technically, if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them, they have teeth but can't chew with them.

How do rapists justify murdering a young innocent human being?

Same way as pro-aborts, by saying "My body, my choice!"

My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.

Never break a girl's/boy's/someone's heart. They only have one of them.

Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.

Your mom is so fat, it takes a year to turn around.

Ajay's leg.

Why do girls scratch their eyes in the morning?

Because they don't have another pair of balls.

Yo mamma so fat that she like that ocean, we haven't even explored 5% of her yet.

Your mamma is so fat that she has a gravitational pull.

Your mom uses the equator as a belt.

What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?

I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!

Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms?

Because everything they do is in vein.

Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".

Do you know Wildee?

What's that?

Will deez nuts fit into your mouth?

What did Stephen Hawking have for breakfast? His left shoulder.

You ever had sex with a woman that is so fat, it counted as a threesome?

Maybe your butt good? Maybe bad... I'M GOING TO LAUGH!

Nie cut G.

Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.

What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?

Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.