So here’s Uranus where’s my anus
When you see someone with a double chin that’s sad:
Hey come on, man, keep your chin up. Wait, which one?
Yo body so plastic that a turtle could choke on your peeled skin!
A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn, comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, what's your secret?"
Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"
The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"
What did the constipated bum say to the other bum?
Piss don't s**t on me!
Back bent.
Errrrrrrrrr my spine doesn't work.
Eeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
You're so skinny, you use chapstick as deodorant.
What do you call a vagina with teeth?
A vicious cunt.
What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?
His arse.
Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.
Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"
Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".
"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"
Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."
Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."
"I need to go to the doctor!"
"Why?"
"It has a crack in it."
What does an orphan and a female's mouth have in common?
They take in 100's of kids.
Who wants a picture of my pp?
Why did he go to the chiropractors?
To get his spine fixed.
Bill really said "your body, my choice," like, my man, it's your body, MY choice.
Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"
When I aim this trigger, it all goes red.
Do you have a bounty 'cause you got a "M" on your head?
After long consideration, I've decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
