Body jokes
What did Steven Harkens have to eat?
His shoulders.
What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.
Did you just come from a bakery? Because you’ve got the hottest pair of buns I’ve seen all week.
Why is a priest different from acne?
Acne waits to come on your face.
I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!
Once there was this kid that wanted to shower with his dad, so his dad said yes. Then he asked, "What is that?" and his dad said it's a chow chow train.
The next day, he wanted to shower with his mom, so she said yes. He asked again, "What is that?" and she said it was a tunnel with light.
The same day, he wanted to sleep with them, and they said yes.
In the middle of the night, he woke up and told his mom to turn on the light because the chow chow train is going in.
Mijn penis is lang lmao.
Why do cheetahs have spots outside of their bodies?
Because they don't have them on the inside.
"Don't break a person's heart, they only have one."
"Yeah, break their bones instead... they have over 200 of those :)"
I farted.
I was raped everyday for years. I can still smile. I hold the record for the widest asshole.
The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"
The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"
The school shooter: "I don't know."
The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."
I dumped the dead, disabled person's body into a dumpster full of rats.
Do you like Imagine Dragons?
Imagine draggin' my balls on your face.
I asked God why nobody likes me. He showed a reflection of myself.
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!
The amputee: -_-
What is a skeleton's favorite food?
Ribs.
Kid me: I lost my stick.
Teacher: No, you didn’t.
Kid me: How do you know that?
Teacher: It’s hanging out of your pants.