Yo mama's so fat that when Legolas killed her, Gimli counted her for two.
My friend, you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs.
Dick cheese, booty hole, yellow cum shot, anal shit, dick hole, ass brownies.
In death, what is the only organ in a woman's body to remain warm?
My dick.
What do skeletons do with their organs?
They organize them!
My arms are just a different texture pack compared to my body.
My friend: You're so skinny, you never miss the elevator when it's closing. You just slip right through!😂
Me thinking it's a gift from God: 🕴️😎
What does a man masturbating and a mayo bottle have in common?
They can both squirt out their cum.
You're so fat that when you got on the scales, they said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew? The answer would be a comb or a piano, but technically, if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them, they have teeth but can't chew with them.
How do rapists justify murdering a young innocent human being?
Same way as pro-aborts, by saying "My body, my choice!"
My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.
Never break a girl's/boy's/someone's heart. They only have one of them.
Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.
Why do girls scratch their eyes in the morning?
Because they don't have another pair of balls.
Your mamma is so fat that she has a gravitational pull.
Your mom uses the equator as a belt.
What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?
I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!
Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms?
Because everything they do is in vein.
Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".
What did Stephen Hawking have for breakfast? His left shoulder.
Maybe your butt good? Maybe bad... I'M GOING TO LAUGH!
