Anybody who doesn't like Pepsi is a Coke-sucker!
Body Jokes
When you have erectile dysfunction, it could be expressed as the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
The first time you have to do a full body workout in chess.
My penis is big and long, what else is... my condom... cucumber.
You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.
What's the difference between my arm and legs? Nothing. I slit both of them.
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
"If we don't get some support soon, people will start to think we are balls."
Why are you rolling your eyes? Are you looking for your brain?
"Your ass must be jealous of all that shit that comes out of your mouth."
Your mama is so fat, when scientists discovered her, they thought it was a new galaxy.
Shit, if somebody invades America, the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go.
We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets has become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out?
Hell, the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit, Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have Comedy Central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the United States. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.
What do you call a girl with no legs?
Unshakeable.
Technically, a human is hollow. We have an empty tube through us from the mouth and nose to the asshole and dick or pussy. We are basically tubes.
My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all, and if I could borrow it.
Yo momma so fat, when she farted the Big Bang occurred.
I bribbled a kid and he was bribbled hem so hard that his balls came off.
Pussies and tits have one thing in common: they're both made for kids, but men end up licking or suckling them.
They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.
Boy, your forehead so big, I can make a launchpad on that shit!
I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.
