Body jokes
What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?
As fat as Ben Dingley.
Jacob has a small penis.
A guy goes to see his psychiatrist dressed only in bubble wrap. When he gets there, he asked the psych, "Can you please help me?"
The psych says, "No, I'm sorry, I can clearly see your nuts."
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"
Why can’t Sally hang herself?
She does not have arms.
Why can't Sally hit herself? Because she has no arms.
Yo mama is so fat, she sat on a quarter and popped a booger out of George Washington's nose.
Your mom is fat.
Oooo, roasted!
What's the difference between a gay guy and an oven?
An oven doesn't fart when you take your meat out.
What's the hardest thing about walking through a field of dead children?
My penis.
My dick.
Yo mama is so stupid, she shoved two double A batteries up her butt and said, “I’ve got the power!”
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?
Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.
What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
What did the penis say to the condom?
"Cover me, I'm going in!"
What's thick, 12 inches, and in your mum's throat?
My penis.
I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!
If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.