Body jokes
Face-Timing My Girlfriend:
"Hey girl! Are you a veterinarian? Because these puppies are sick!" *shows muscle*
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She didn't have any arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Knock knock. "Who's there?" "Grandma." "Oh, okay."
Nah, it's a penis.
What's the difference between Andy and acne?
Acne waited until Adam could talk before coming on his face.
What do most disabled people eat?
Their arm.
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to speak to me.
You wanna hear a joke about my penis?
Never mind, it’s too long.
You wanna hear a joke about my penis?
Don’t worry, it’s too long.
Did you hear about the guy whose left side got cut off!
But he’s all right now.
What do you call a girl with only one arm and leg?
Eileen.
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
Why is the disease lung cancer never hungry? Because it's eating your lungs.
There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
Are guys scared of the word "Choppiness"?
Because it is literally saying "chop-penis."
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A trombone.
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
What’s weaker than a daffodil? Mundy’s ankles.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
Why is Sally dead? Cause she has no arms.