Body jokes
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ligma.
Ligma who?
Ligma bum crack!
What's white as snow within 15-25 mins after death and then black and blue and red all over?
A corpse, of course!
What do you call my dick?
A. A monster.
What do you call a person with cancer?
A ghost with a body.
Doctor, can I please have a new butt? My old one has a hole and a crack in it.
What's wrong with my friend?
He's called Dobby Coleman and has a massive jaw.
A man walks over to a little boy and asks, "Wanna see my tattoo of a bunny?"
The little boy replies with, "Yes please, I love bunnies!"
The man proceeds to pull his pants down and said, "Can you see it yet?"
The little boy curious says, "No, where is it?"
The man says, "Dig a little deeper, he runs into the hole when he gets scared!"
How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
I was in a toxic relationship. After some time, my girlfriend died. Her name was Happy. Still got no clue of her body, and here I am lying on the bed so fucking happy.
Lol, I have a teeny black dick.
I wish I could tell you about my penis, but it's too short.
Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."
Your mum's got big tits.
what's black and red and is a liquid?
my scars!
How much do the bones in your body weigh?
A skele-ton!
What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?
A baby you cut one off each time.
A man came running into a hospital saying, "Doctor, Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know I amputated your arms!"
Q. Why do Skeletons work hard?
A. 'Cause they want the BONEus.
What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”
Susie was in her mother's room one night, as her mother was getting ready for bed. She had slipped off her blouse; her boobs, plum and perky. Susie had asked what are those and will I get them? Her mother had said they were boobs and she would grow some in a few years. Her mother told Susie to find her father and say goodnight.
So Susie left, headed down the hall to the bathroom where her father was showering. Susie knocked on the door, he said come in. He had moved the shower curtain over just a bit. Susie said she loved him, and then seen her father's dick. Shocked, Susie asked her father what that was and if she would get one. Her father said it was a dick, and he said Susie would get it after her mother went to bed.