Blonde jokes
How do you drown a Blonde? You put a scratch and sniff sticker in a pool.
How do you get a blonde to drown? You tell them the bottom of the pool smells weird.
What do a blonde chick and a field of wheat have in common?
They're both bound to get plowed at some point in time.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
There was a girl called Millie, and she had sexy blond hair, and she wanted to chase me, but I told her she had to catch me first if she loves me.
Did you hear about the blonde that worked at the Dollar Store?
She called for a price check.
What did the blond say about the new iPhone?
Krabby Patty jizz sandwich.
The Blonde got a Ph.D.?
Yeah, like that would ever happen.
How does a blonde punish her blind son? She takes away his TV privileges.
How does a blonde punish her deaf son? She takes away his telephone privileges.
How does a blonde punish her paraplegic son? She gives him a spanking.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"
Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"
A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde walk into a bar.
They were having a chat when the bartender asked them about their opinions on elements.
The redhead says, “I love gold because I can buy a lot of cars with it.”
The brunette says, “I would prefer platinum because it is more valuable than gold and can buy you more cars.”
The blonde says, “I have 2 bags of silicon and you should see the cars outside my house.”
What do you get if you cross Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama? A blonde n1gger cunt.
How does a prostitute that has blond hair and polish and a gay white male kill erectile dysfunction for his clients?
He performs fellatio on them.
What do you call a blonde?
A piss-head.
What is the difference between a blond and a Nazi?
The blond survived.
Why did two dumb blondes put condoms on the cow's udders because they wanted the cow to practice safe sex?
What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?
Your camera.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"
What do you call two brunettes and a blonde in the NFL?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver!