Birthday jokes
I gave Helen Keller an Oculus and AirPods for her 12th birthday, and she hated them and me.
Yo momma is so old, her birthday's expired.
Why do candles like birthdays?
Because they can get lit!
What do clams do on their birthday? They shell a brat.
I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.
Can emo kids get a happy birthday?
So I got my brother a jumping castle for his birthday. That bitch cried in his wheelchair.
So, I walked up to my grandma and I said, "What color would you be on a rainbow cupcake?" She just turned 61, ok, ok. So I'm like, "I got it, I got it, ok, ok." She's like: "Ok, what color?" I say: "Grey."
Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
Orphans have 362 days in a year because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day and no birthday.
My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.
Yesterday I went to a party at my friend’s house. Everyone was dressed as birthday candles. It was a blowout.
For my birthday on Sept. 11 this year, I just want a plane chocolate cake.
My birthday's on September 11th, I'm gonna turn the fuck up and throw a banger! Then rub my tits in birthday cake frosting!!! WOOOOOOOOO!
I’m going back to the house to get some stuff for my dad, and then I’m going to have a car and a birthday party come up for the weekend at the end of the week. I was going to get my birthday cake for the day.
A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?
Answer: He was born on February 29.
Hey, guess what I got for my birthday.
No, what did you get? Older.
Man, everybody's birthday is this year! 🤦🏽♂️
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
Me: What do you want to do for your birthday?
Fiancé: I want to go somewhere I've never been before!
Me: Well welcome to the Kitchen!