Birthday jokes

Can emo kids get a happy birthday?

Yo momma is so old, her birthday's expired.

So I got my brother a jumping castle for his birthday. That bitch cried in his wheelchair.

I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.

So, I walked up to my grandma and I said, "What color would you be on a rainbow cupcake?" She just turned 61, ok, ok. So I'm like, "I got it, I got it, ok, ok." She's like: "Ok, what color?" I say: "Grey."

Orphans have 362 days in a year because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day and no birthday.

I gave Helen Keller an Oculus and AirPods for her 12th birthday, and she hated them and me.

Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.

When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

Yesterday I went to a party at my friend’s house. Everyone was dressed as birthday candles. It was a blowout.

For my birthday on Sept. 11 this year, I just want a plane chocolate cake.

Me: What do you want to do for your birthday?

Fiancé: I want to go somewhere I've never been before!

Me: Well welcome to the Kitchen!

My birthday's on September 11th, I'm gonna turn the fuck up and throw a banger! Then rub my tits in birthday cake frosting!!! WOOOOOOOOO!

I’m going back to the house to get some stuff for my dad, and then I’m going to have a car and a birthday party come up for the weekend at the end of the week. I was going to get my birthday cake for the day.

A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?

Answer: He was born on February 29.

Man, everybody's birthday is this year! 🤦🏽‍♂️

Hey, guess what I got for my birthday.

No, what did you get? Older.

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.

Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since I’ve been little, I’ve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. “On the search,” as they would say.

By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving.

I got a pilot’s license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes.

During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean, and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up.

Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, I’m afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.

I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!